In the days when ice cream sundaes cost much less than they do today, a young boy entered a coffee shop and sat at a table. As the waitress put a glass of water in front of him, he asked: “How much is an ice cream sundae?”

“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress. The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied a number of coins in it. “How much is a dish of ice cream?” he then inquired. The waitress, who was beginning to grow impatient because people were now waiting for a table, angrily replied: “Thirty-five cents.” Once again, the little boy counted his coins. “I’ll just have plain ice cream,” he said. The waitress walked away muttering under her breath. Returning with the ice cream, the waitress shoved the bowl in front of the young boy then quickly walked away.

When the young boy finished, he quietly walked to the front of the coffee shop; paid the cashier and then departed. When the waitress came back to clean up the table, where the young boy had been seated, she paused riveted on what laid before her. Swallowing hard in her disbelief and embarrassment, there placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies – her tip.

Stephen R. Covey said that, “We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions.”

Have you ever wondered why it is that some folks are nice and others seem to be just plain nasty? Negative and fearful people are unhappy people, who not only make others unhappy but also destroy their own happiness and vitality. Nasty people just simply don’t know how to be kind… Nice folks do!

Stephen R. Covey also reminds us that, “Between stimulus and response is our greatest power - the freedom to choose.”

We can assume a posture of dignity, despite the feelings of victimization that we may feel when we are the object of derision and insults, as we take the moral high road that will manifest the confidence of our self-mastery.

Remaining calm in the face of an assault is probably one of the most difficult tasks anyone can face, because lashing back to verbal assaults is an almost reflexive act. Our reaction to these kinds of situations can become tempered and defused once we realize the situation is not about us, but rather, it is the berater who most often has the problem. Someone has even suggested that the world would not exist but for the merit of those who held their tongues during an argument.

    Points to remember when facing derision and insults:

  • Know to whom you are talking. Don’t waste your time with people who do not have the capacity to agree with you.
  • Do not do anything that will exacerbate the situation, even if your motivation is idealistic.
  • Do not stoop to the other person’s level.
  • Rebuke in private.
  • Remember that we cannot be responsible for another person’s behavior, but we are always accountable for our own.

Zig Ziglar, in his book See you at the top, graphically illustrated these points as a final illustration. Mr. B was president of his own company and was not happy with the way things were going. Calling his employees together he said that some employees were in the habit of arriving late and others were in that habit of leaving early, while others still refused to accept full responsibility for their jobs. Then declaring that he was going to take personal responsibility, he promised them that he was going to become an example by giving his best efforts and by arriving early and working late. He then told his employees that they each would be expected to follow his example.

A few days later, still armed with the best intentions, he became engrossed in a conversation at the country club and completely forgot about the time. When he finally realized that he was due back in the office he jumped up from the table and made a dash for his car. Burning rubber and doing 90 miles per hour down the freeway Mr. B was stopped by the long arm of the law and received a ticket and a verbal tongue lashing.

Furiously muttering to himself, Mr. B said, “This is ridiculice. Here I am a peaceful tax-paying, law abiding citizen, minding my own business when this guy comes along and gives me a ticket. What he should be doing is spending his time looking for criminals, thieves and robbers. He should leave us tax-paying citizens alone. Just because I was going fast doesn’t mean I was unsafe.”

When Mr. B got back to the office he attempted to divert the attention of his tardiness by calling the Sales Manager in for a conference. Angrily, he asked if the sale with their number one client had been finalized. The Sales Manager replied that he didn’t know what had happened but they had lost the sale. Now if you think Mr. B was upset before, you should have seen him now. He hit the ceiling and read the “riot act” to the Sales Manager. “You know I’ve had you on the payroll for eighteen years and during that time I’ve depended upon you to produce business. Now, at last, we have had an opportunity to make the big deal that would set this company apart from all of the rest and you blow it! Well, let me tell you, you are either going to replace that business or I’m going to find someone who will. Just because you have been here for eighteen years does not mean you have a lifetime contract.” He was certainly upset.

If you think Mr. B was upset, however, you should have seen the Sales Manager. He charged out of his office muttering to himself. “Well, this is really something, for eighteen years I have given this company 100% of my effort. I’m the one responsible for its success and growth because I created all of the new business. I’m the one who holds it together and keeps it functioning. Mr. B is just a figurehead. This company would go down the tube in nothing flat if it weren’t for me. Now, just because I miss one sale, he takes a cheap shot and threatens to fire me. This isn’t right.”

Still talking to himself, the Sales Manage calls his secretary in and demands, “Did you finish those letters I gave you this morning?” “No,” she replied; “remember you told me that this other project took precedence over everything else? That is what I have been doing.” The Sales Manager exploded. “Don’t give me any excuses, he yelled, “I told you I wanted those letters out, and if you can’t get them out, I’ll get someone who can. Just because you have been here for seven years doesn’t mean you have a lifetime contract. I want those letters mailed today without fail.” Oh, he was upset.

But if you think the Sales Manager was upset, you should have seen the secretary. She really blew her stack as she stomped out of the office talking to herself. “How dare he talk to me that way? For seven years I’ve given this job my very best. Hundreds of hours of overtime work and never a dime in overtime pay. I do more work than any three people around here. In fact, I’m the one who really keeps this company together. Now, just because I can’t do two things at once, he threatens to fire me. This just isn’t right. Besides with all of the things I know about him, who does he think he’s kidding?

Walking out to the receptionist she said, “I have some letters I want you to type. Now, I know that this is not ordinarily part of your job, but you don’t do anything anyway except sit here and occasionally answer the phone. Besides, this is an emergency and I want these letters mailed today. If you can’t get them done, let me know and I’ll get somebody who can.” She was upset and she let everyone know it.

But, if you think the secretary was upset, you should have seen the receptionist. She just about hit the ceiling. “Who does she think she is,” she thought? “Here I am the hardest-working and lowest paid member of this staff. I am expected to do four things at once and they don’t do a thing in the back but drink coffee, gossip and talk on the phone. They might occasionally do some work but the moment they get behind they come to me to bail them out. This just isn’t fair. This garbage about replacing me is a joke because I’m the only one who has any idea of what is going on around here. If it hadn’t been for me this company would have gone down the tube long ago. Not only that but they know they couldn’t find someone to do my work at twice my salary.”

The receptionist got the letters out, but was fuming as she did. When she got home, she was still fuming. Walking into the house, she slammed the door and proceeded into the den. The first thing she saw was her 12-year-old son lying on the floor watching television. The second thing she saw was a large rip across the seat of his pants. “Son,” she yelled, “how many times have I told you to change into you play clothes when you come home from school? I have a hard enough time just supporting and putting you through school as well as running this entire household. Now, go upstairs and there will be no dinner for you tonight and no television for the next three weeks.” Oh, she was really upset.

Now, if you think she was upset, you should have seen her 12-year-old son. He stomped out of the den saying, “You are so unfair. I was doing something for you when I tore my pants and you didn’t even give me a chance to explain what happened. It was an accident and could have happened to anybody.”

About that time the cat walked in front of him, which proved to be a mistake for the cat. The boy angrily reached out and kicked the cat saying, “Get out of here! You’ve probably been up to no good yourself.”

It should be obvious that the cat was the only creature involved in this series of events that could not have altered the outcome. One could only question if it would not have been better for Mr. B to have just gone directly from the country club to the receptionist’s home and kicked the cat himself?

In business or our personal life, as Stephen R. Covey says, “Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.” Thus, there really is Power in the Response.